I have had a lot on my mind this week. I have hurt a friend in a way I never wanted to and know there is nothing that can be done to fix it. It's days like this where I just wish I could take a mulligan. You know a do over. I never imagined I would hurt so bad for telling someone how I felt, honestly. I have those days with God too. Days where I know I have done something that does not Glorify Him and coming to confess them hurts me so much because I am ashamed and disappointed in myself. I feel like I have let God down and hurt Him in a way I would have never wanted to. That to me feels like I have betrayed Him. That is the worst feeling for me. I know He loves me not matter what I say or do, but the knowledge of my actions speaks louder sometimes. These last couple of days have been like that, I feel like I have let people down and nothing I can do or could do will make it better. I would like to take that mulligan now please. I am getting better at trusting God in all my achievements and my struggles, knowing that He is the one I can always run to and talk to. God is the one solid thing in my life and nothing I say or do will change this relationship. I wish all relationships were like that.

When I was at creation fest I made a choice. That choice was to follow God, no matter where He would lead me and that also meant to trust in Him. I have had to rely on that a lot lately, somethings have come up in my life recently that I didn't know how to handle and instead of trying to sort them out by myself I turned to God. I fell at His feet and cryed for Him to help me do the right thing or say what needed to be said. For the last couple of weeks God has been really showing me that He is here for me and nothing I do is going to be to much for Him. That idea has crossed my mind and maybe yours too, when am I going to do something that God just can't fix or help in. Now the cool part is....never. God is always going to be there for us, He is going to pick us up when we fall and hold us when we need a friend. Now, you may not think He is answering your prayer, I know I have felt this way. For me I know it is only because I was looking for an answer he was not giving. His answers might not be the ones you want but in the end they are the right ones because He knows what we need better than we do. I have learned in the past couple of weeks that no matter what I do, God is always there. He has answered pray but I was too busy listening for the answer I wanted that I didn't hear what He had to say. I look back over the weeks and just shake my head because I see now what he has done for me in these situations and the solutions are so much bigger than the problems. I am so thankful to God because He loves me sooooo much and will never leave me. He is my everything.

Thankful

I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
You Know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plauging me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

No, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, no not one

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

It's by grace I have been saved
Trhough faith that's not my own
It is the gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

One thing I have learned over the years