So my birthday is coming up. Too tell you the truth I don’t really care. Well, no I shouldn’t say that. I always get excited for my birthday but this year is different. This year I am in a new city and besides my roommates I have no one to celebrate it with. I can honestly say this is the most alone I have felt here yet. I know when I use to live in Mission I would normally not be around for this day but at least I could celebrate it late with those close to me. Now, not so much. It is a depressing feeling not having anyone you can talk to here. You know, really talk too. I may be just having a pity party in this blog but I just need to get it out. Calgary is going okay, I am going through a lot of internal battles right now that I was not prepared for but as long as I stick close to God and have faith in myself I will get through it. There in it’s self lies the problem. I am finding out here I am losing faith in myself. I cannot say why because I am not sure yet. I just know I am not who I thought I was. In fact I am not sure who I am anymore. Maybe the new person will be better. Can I get any better. J/K. I find I am struggling with the whole self image issue here and it sucks. The whole eating issue has come back. I find I am finding that little voice telling me I need to lose weight again. I find I call myself ugly more than I like the way I look. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on the strength of my friends. For lack of a better way of putting it. I am sorry folks but I really have nothing uplifting to say tonight. Well maybe I should just end this vent here. I will just say this last thing. All I want for my birthday is my friends. XOXO
