Cool

" It is who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That is the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself-- Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration." (John 4:23&24. Msg)

God I love you, but could you stop making me do things I don't want to do.

So my last blog was about forgiving a certain person. This person hurt me many times but I had been hurt worse. It took almost all I had to reach the point where I could start to forgive this person. For those of you who don't know I dated a couple guys by the same first name. So when this name popped up on a comment I went crazy trying to figure out if it was the one I was writing about. It was not. Instead it was this person I thought I was not ready to forgive. Obviously God thinks different. So since this guy commented on my last blog I have been......one breath away from tears. I will not say what went down while we were together because I am not done telling him and I don't want him to read it here. I want it to come straight from me. I am having a very difficult time with this because what he did is basically why I am the way I am and I do not like the way I am! It is taking me a long time to write this because I have to stop and fight the emotion coming out. I will not let him win. So God wants me to forgive him but I don't know if I can and how? I don't want to go there right now. ARGH.
I am at a loss. Going back to this "time" is not somewhere I am prepared to go, I buried it and was quite fine with it where it was. I don't hate him! I hate what he did to me and I just don't know what to do. I think back and all through my journey this is the biggest thing God has asked me to do and I am soooooo afraid and convinced that I won't be able to do it.