Sunday, February 13, 2005

Getting tired of being me.

On the outside, I am this person that is always looking on the bright side. You can hear me from across the room and I don't give a rip what others think of me. On the inside I am tired of always acting like nothing is bugging me because I don't want to be a bother or to get people down. I am a very gaurded person. My trust in people in not great because I always have this fear that they are talking or laughing behind my back. As for not caring what people think about me, I do care, I just don't show it and it stings a great deal when it is something bad. I have been thinking a lot obout this lately because the girls at work tell me that I know just how to make them laugh when they are having a bad day. Who will make me laugh? How are they going to do that when I let no one in? It is said that God loves you for who you are but how can he if I don't. I am getting tired of pretending I am this happy person all the time when I am really not. When I try so hard to be this person and always mess it up. I can honestly say this is the first time I am saying this to other people besides myself.