Getting tired of being me.
On the outside, I am this person that is always looking on the bright side. You can hear me from across the room and I don't give a rip what others think of me. On the inside I am tired of always acting like nothing is bugging me because I don't want to be a bother or to get people down. I am a very gaurded person. My trust in people in not great because I always have this fear that they are talking or laughing behind my back. As for not caring what people think about me, I do care, I just don't show it and it stings a great deal when it is something bad. I have been thinking a lot obout this lately because the girls at work tell me that I know just how to make them laugh when they are having a bad day. Who will make me laugh? How are they going to do that when I let no one in? It is said that God loves you for who you are but how can he if I don't. I am getting tired of pretending I am this happy person all the time when I am really not. When I try so hard to be this person and always mess it up. I can honestly say this is the first time I am saying this to other people besides myself.
posted by Tysey at 9:25 p.m.
7 Comments:
and lots of people are hearing you now too! the cat is out of the bag, just try to put it back in. no way. the claws would be out full board, arms flying frantically to avoid being stuffed back into that bag. I can just picture it!
You have qualities I wish I had, the ability to just do something. Sure I can make some people smile, but I don't always have a "wonderful" life. I am very reserved if i don't know you, but i will share if asked. never on my own unless I feel it fits into the conversation.
I struggle with similar problems, but reverse I suppose. I can go out in public and wear ronald, elf, or whatever costume and not care what people thing. But put me out there as I am and I clam up until I get to know how each person will respond. Heck our family all built superhero costumes on our own and we are still waiting to take the pictures outside of saveon foods with the pots of water. I am all for that, but as a family we haven't given it much thought lately cause of winter weather.
well there i go blabbing again.
You are a wonderful woman and I am proud to be your friend. You make my son light up in split second, It warms my heart with joy to see the love and laughter that you bring into our lives. Brayden is so lucky to have such a wonderful Auntie Tysey!! And I am so lucky to have a wonderful girlfriend!!
Love Kaylyn
Isn't it funny how we put on those masks? Those masks that make us feel safe and secure, but then all of a sudden you realize you aren't. I think that I undestand where you are soming from. I have put on that mask for a long time now. Thanfully though, with God's help it is being peeled back. I am having to learn to trust people which is the hardest part. What are they thinking when I say this, or that..... thoughts that always go through my head. So I just keep my mouth shut and lock things in. That is not who I used to be.
I wouls say trust people but I wouldn't be one to talk. It is a work in progress. Trust God. I have been learning to do that more each day. YOu are special and there are people who love you and want to help you through whatever you may be going through. Remember that - even when I don't.
yup - its time to shine. to be that person that God created and loves. allow others in, to share your joy and pain and growing.
I can't count the number of times I've answered the famous "how are you?" question with a smile and a "fine how are you?" When really I was dieing inside, but I didn't think anyone really wanted to hear it, and I wasn't ready or trusting enough for anyone to know the truth. But, I'm working on it. Trusting people is hard but is usually well worth. You should try it sometime!!!
i used to know this gnarly old guy named tony. when someone said 'good morning' to him, he'd blast back, 'what's so good about it?!'
i like that kind of honesty.
Check out this site it's the lyric to one of my fave Bruce burn songs...The Strong One
http://cockburnproject.net/songs&music/tso.html
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