Mixed Thoughts

Okay so I am sitting here writing this confusing blog and I delete the whole thing. I am not sure what I am trying to say except. I am letting a situation control me. I have given it up to God but I still have feelings attached to this problem. This problem is making me feel like a failure and selfish. It makes me feel to much for myself and draws my focus from God. I don't know where or what made this thoughts and feelings come to my head but they are there and are not going away. I know I have to deal with this "thing." but how? It is tearing my up inside because I hate feeling this way. I know I am not a failure but if I cannot deal with the first problem that come up, then what good am I in a leadership role? The selfish part speaks for itself. Why has God put this situation in my path at this point in my life? Some say it is because he feels I am strong enough to work through it and some say it is a test. I hate tests. I know I cannot deal with this without God. I cannot figure that one out. Why do I feel this way? I dread the thought that this problem is putting the focus to much on myself, I feel like the spotlight is no longer on God. Maybe I am making a mountain out of mole hill and maybe these feelings are justified. How do I know? I know I am to leave it up to God. I just wish these feelings would go away. I am sure I have not put everything I am feeling or thinking into words but it is the jift of it. I have had one of those ARGH weeks and feel a little better but know I have to confront this problem head on.