Mind if I rant?

Are you wondering what my life has been like since my last post? I have been in email contact with this person I was struggling to forgive. I wrote him a huge email on everything I was feeling and he blew me off. That's right. He told me that I had him mistaken for someone else and that he would never do those things to me. At first I couldn't care less, but now it kinda makes me mad. I felt better after the email was sent and I feel I reached a point of forgiveness. I wonder how anyone can do what he did to me and not remember. It doesn't hurt as much anymore and I do feel I am better for talking to this person but still........ I feel I am not done there but don't know where to go now. I told him that what I went through has given me some strong characteristics and they are the ones I hate about myself. I am trying beat this things but am struggling. I have a big trust issue, I am sure I have said it before. I am the type of person who use to trust a lot of people and then something happened that just made me snap. Now if I have a problem I fully trust God and.............hmmmmm, yup that's it. I know I can come to people to talk and I have a couple....okay 2 people I feel even a little comfortable coming to and I do. With them tho I always feel guarded and I shouldn't. That is what I hate. I know these people (you know who you are) won't judge me, yell at me or tell everyone else behind my back but I am still afraid. Then I feel like I am not respecting their friendship enough and I feel horrible for feeling this way about them. When it comes right down to it I love these people a whole lot and would love it for just one day to be able to come to them(if I needed to) and not have any fear. Like for example, I wanted to tell one of these people all this on Sunday but when that person asked if I still needed to talk I said no. I guess it comes back down to letting that wall down and showing people who I really am. I don't care if someone I just met doesn't like me but to have someone I have known for 8 years think less of me would kill me. On the surface I am a happy, bubbly kinda person but on the deeper side I am a very scared and protected person. So I keep letting the surface person shine. I like her much better anyway. (sigh) I want to tell these people what is going on in my head but everytime I go to I chicken out. I always tell people they can come to me, but how fair is that if I cannot return that trust.

On top of that my car was hit on Saturday (sniff). I am fine but my car has a dent in the side panel and he took off. So I got his plate number and reported him. I now have a meeting with icbc on Friday. (yeah)
Any that are my thoughts for this week. Thanks for reading my blog.
Love you all.