Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Well, I have been back for almost a week now. I kinda miss it. I needed a vacation tho. This month is always a difficult one and I always seem to come back to where I started around this time of year. If that makes any sense. Let me try and clear that up. After a good friend of mine passed away I had soooooo much anger inside towards him and God and every year it comes back on the same day. May 20th. I have worked so hard at getting past that and letting go but it frustrates me when I find myself with all those feelings again. I don't know why I relive this day every year and I really wish I didn't. I would give anything to be past this, why can't I get past this? Can I just not look at my watch and think about what happened on that bad day 8 years ago at that exact time. Is there a reason I keep bringing this up? For example as I write this I am thinking........tomorrow will be the anniversary of the funeral. See twisted. The sad thing is, I would give almost anything to not think about him for one day, just one day is all I want. That is the thing that buggs me the most. I don't know where I am really going with this but I just needed to write it. I just wish I could see the good that came out of this but I find it never outweighs the bad. That sucks.


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