Walking by Faith

2008-03-11T13:53:00.002-07:00

Things I am finding out while pregnant.

1. Foods I normally don’t like, he likes.
2. It is a different way to get over my fear of needles.
3. I don’t dislike the colour blue anymore; in fact I am quite partial to it.
4. People become much more willing to do your work for you. I try to avoid this one.
5. I don’t like people touching me.
6. I don’t like people using words to describe the fact that I am pregnant. Ie: preggers, or the term when you are going to pop.
7. I find it funny when people point out that I am pregnant, I think I have figured it out by now.
8. I am not comfortable with all the attention it brings.
9. I have an excuse for being tired or cranky all the time.
10. Finally number 10. I have noticed that every time he kicks or I see him on the ultrasound or I hear his heartbeat, I am falling more in love with him and his Dad.

Never thought this would happen

2007-10-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

I found something or someone more important than my DALLAS STARS. Never thought that would happen. LOL. I guess there is a first time for everything. I missed most of the game. I never miss a game on tv. I must really like this guy.

What a weekend

2007-10-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

So, my parents came to visit me for the weekend. It was nice. It was the first time my mother has met my boyfriend. I think she liked him. Anyway, they got here on Thursday and I had to work till 9. Well, by the time I got home the house was full of people. I did not get to bed till about 2 which sucked because I had to be up at 6:45 to get ready for work. SIGH. So work on Friday was boring. After work, we all went out to the bar down the street from my house for dinner and drinks. It was nice to go out with my family and have them get along with Rob so well. Rob had invited some of the guys from work so that was really fun too. Then on Saturday I took my parents to the zoo. It was a super beautiful day in Calgary, the sun was shining and the animals were all out. It was great. After the zoo we went to Montana’s for dinner where we had invited Rob’s parents out. I am so glad that everyone seems to like each other. Sunday morning my pants left and I started baking for thanksgiving dinner. Erika made the dinner and it was fantastic. I like the atmosphere that was in the house that day. A feeling of family, friends and warmth. Jess had some friends in town and then there was Erika, Tyler, Rob and I. It was the greatest thanksgiving away from home I have ever had…..it is the only thanksgiving I have had away from home. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I can’t wait till Christmas.

To you from me

2007-10-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Guess what

2007-10-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

Now I am not the type of person to get all mushy, cutesy and girly. I am the type of girl that loves sports, has a thing for muscle cars and would rather be camping then stay at a resort. So when I think of the “dream” wedding I should have planned……I draw a blank. You know that day that every girl has planned from the day they are 6. Why am I telling you this? Well, as of last July everything has changed. I cannot explain it nor do I understand it. All I know is I started having dreams and then one day I could picture the whole day. For example; I had this dream where it was my wedding day and I distinctly remember calling out my “husband’s” name. His name was Travis. The funny thing is, I don’t know a Travis, well I do but he is a little young. He is 8. So now there is a joke with me and my friends that I need to find someone named Travis. Well, I told the joke to Rob the other day. He sat and thought about it for a minute. Then he smiled and said this, “If you were to say my whole name it has the name Travis in it. RobeRT dAVId MacintoSh. All you would have to do is switch the r and the t in Robert." I thought that was kinda clever. I have found my Travis.

My fear is gone.....for now

2007-09-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

Okay so you know how afraid of heights I am? Well I decided I would try my hand at the Calgary Tower. I was preparing myself all week for the fear that would overcome me because not only is the tower really high but it has a glass floor. So as much as I readied myself for this attempt I was kinda shaking by the time I could see the tower. So anyway, we get to the entrance and it says on the door that the tower is closed for a private function. My first thought was…..WHEW! Then I got to thinking. Now I have to do it all again. Will I have the nerve to attempt it again? You know how you get yourself ready to do something and then you have to wait for another opportunity. Then when that opportunity comes along you chicken out. What if that is what I do? I am determined to conquer this height fear I have. I am tired of fear controlling me. Aren’t you? I found a good way of doing that. Turn the tables on fear. Find the one thing you can focus on instead of the fear. For example, I was at this canyon with my boyfriend and the walkways are nothing more than a bridge jutting out of the rock. There I not much to support it. Plus it shakes and you can see the water running underneath you in some parts. I started to get nervous like I do but instead of stopping and giving in to the fear of the height, I would reach for my boyfriend, resting in the comfort that I was safe with him. I know that he would stop at nothing to keep me from harm and I could relax in knowing that. So now, I am looking forward to going to the tower with him because I am no longer afraid. It has been a long time since I have let go of fear and I am wondering why I didn't do it sooner but I know why..........

How am I, you ask?

2007-09-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

Okay so I know I have not been writing much lately and I know that that comes as no surprise for some of you. I have come to the decision that I am going to try to write at least once a week now. I figured since I am far away from home I would let people know what is happening in my life this way. I have to say tho I am loving Calgary. I know that at first I really didn’t want to come here and there was a time I almost bowed out but I am really glad I didn’t. More for one reason in particular but I will get into that in a little bit. Work seems to be going…….alright. I have had some challenges but I have found that the staff have been really supportive and have acted on situations in a timely fashion. I have to be honest with you tho, there have been…… 3 times where I have almost quit. I do not want to get into it on here because it is in the past but I was at a point, where I was soooo tired of dealing that I was going to give up. They don’t know this but there were nights were I was…….unhappy. For those that know me, you know what that means. At this time I was starting to see this guy at work and things were going really great. My friends, you know the stuff I have been through so to be with someone who does nothing but support you was a really different thing for me. For those of you that don’t know. I am use to being torn down more than I am built up. So, anyway. I had a hard time focusing on that tho because I had all this other stuff going on. It was not until after all this…stuff was settled that I realized how happy I really was. Without going into too much deal I will just say that he treats me really well. I can’t really tell you how he makes me feel because when I think about it I can’t find the words to explain it all I do is smile. So you can imagine. I find I am breaking all my “rules of dating” with him tho. See I had all this things that I wouldn’t do in the dating world. Like I wouldn’t date anyone from work….ever. I wouldn’t date a smoker, I wouldn’t date anyone without a tattoo and I wouldn’t date anyone more than 4 years older than me. Well, with this person I have broken 3 out of four of those. You know what tho, I am soooo glad I did. I was completely stupid and shallow to put rules on people. I never got to know them as a person. So why the change? I don’t know, to tell you the truth. When I met him all those things didn’t seem to matter anymore. I didn’t even consider them. It is funny how you can have things that you think are so important to you for so many years all of a sudden seem obsolete. It is funny how our impression of what is important to us is different from God’s. Even tho I did break my rules, I am really glad I did. I would have missed the opportunity to be with a fantastic guy. I would not change that for anything. So if you are wondering how I am doing in Calgary. My answer would be : never better. Oh and if you are reading this, I love you.

PostSecret

2007-08-12T08:54:00.001-07:00

This website is for all who think that they are hiding a secret that is no can ever know. It is to show that no matter how alone you feel, you are never alone

Sappy time

2007-07-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

So my birthday is coming up. Too tell you the truth I don’t really care. Well, no I shouldn’t say that. I always get excited for my birthday but this year is different. This year I am in a new city and besides my roommates I have no one to celebrate it with. I can honestly say this is the most alone I have felt here yet. I know when I use to live in Mission I would normally not be around for this day but at least I could celebrate it late with those close to me. Now, not so much. It is a depressing feeling not having anyone you can talk to here. You know, really talk too. I may be just having a pity party in this blog but I just need to get it out. Calgary is going okay, I am going through a lot of internal battles right now that I was not prepared for but as long as I stick close to God and have faith in myself I will get through it. There in it’s self lies the problem. I am finding out here I am losing faith in myself. I cannot say why because I am not sure yet. I just know I am not who I thought I was. In fact I am not sure who I am anymore. Maybe the new person will be better. Can I get any better. J/K. I find I am struggling with the whole self image issue here and it sucks. The whole eating issue has come back. I find I am finding that little voice telling me I need to lose weight again. I find I call myself ugly more than I like the way I look. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on the strength of my friends. For lack of a better way of putting it. I am sorry folks but I really have nothing uplifting to say tonight. Well maybe I should just end this vent here. I will just say this last thing. All I want for my birthday is my friends. XOXO

2007-06-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

So here is a picture of where I work. It may not look exciting but I will say this….there is no where I would rather be. I was here maybe a day and the staff was already treating me like one of their own. The manager is a super nice guy and is always making sure his staff is in a good mood. He is a boss still; when he has to, be but I know he is the kind that you can come to no matter what and with any problem you have. Then there are my floor managers. There are four of them. Four completely different people so let me break it down for you. So Lisa is pretty cool, she is super nice and one of the sweetest people I have met in a long time. If I ever need any time off or need some help in a department I know I can call her and she will do everything she can to assist me. Then there is Marshall he comes across as a guy who likes to horse around a lot but he has a sweet side too. Like the other day when it was pouring down with hail and I was getting out of my car with no jacket. He was outside and met me at my car, took his sweater off and used it to cover my head so I would not get soaked. His taste in music is similar to mine which is cool and he has a wicked sense of humor. One more. Steven. Steven is a guy I find talking to a lot. We just sort of clicked. He is the one I call on a lot because he is so patient with me. Even tho I ask some pretty stupid questions. He just gives me a hard time later. Which is fun too. You know when you meet someone and you just talk about anything and everything. Yeah well for some reason he is that kind of a person. Then there is Rob….. sigh. What to say about him. He knows nothing. At least that is what he keeps telling me. All in all he is a nice guy, a guy that likes to have a good time on the weekend and then we exchange stories of what we did. He has an awesome sense of humor and seems to be really sweet too.

Okay so now let me tell you about the rest of the crew I know. There is the furniture guy Dave, this guy has a mind that is fit for the gutter, but I find him immensely funny. He doesn’t mean any harm and I find he thinks a lot like I do. I call him my big teddy bear because he is the only one to give me a big bear hug every time I see him. It makes my day. SIGH…….Anyway back to the story. Then there is the gay cashier Brett, which is just awesome because he is….awesome. Sorry people this is one I can’t explain. You have to meet him to know why I love him so much. The other two cashiers are super nice and helpful too. So who do I have left……? Ah, the copy center guy. Blaise. I have to admit I was thrown off by him at first, but I will; not get into that on here. Then when I was thrown in here to train with him I was pleasantly surprised by his kindness and caring attitude. He is so patient with me and is always making sure I am doing okay. I find he is the one person in here that I have bonded with. He not only is my coworker but he is my friend too. Out of every one here he is the sweetest person here. I can honestly say I love the person he is. I am so luck to work in a place like this and am not going to leave this place. You know even tho I took a pay cut and am not working as much as I did, I would not change it because I love the people here. So if you ever are in the neighborhood, swing by Office depot and meet some of the craziest but friendliest people in Calgary including me.

Just a thought

2007-06-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

I saw an episode of the simpsons with sideshow bob in it and thought of you. Missing you more then ever today.

So true

2007-06-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

So I was listening to this song a lot before I left, I thought it summed up my emotions pretty well.

Walk by Faith

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya

well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares your will for me

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Repeat)
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Hallelujah, hallelu

I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith, I will walk by faith,
I will walk by faith
I will walk by faith
I will walk,I will walk
Faith
I will walk, I will walk by faith

Wait a minute....

2007-05-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

So when I move to Calgary, does that mean I have to wear a cowboy hat and like country music? I don't think I am okay with that. 4 days to go

Moving

2007-05-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

So I started packing today. It makes me sad. I can't even talk about it yet. I know it is prob a good move for me but I am just going to miss everyone so much. I want you all to know that I love you all and am so proud of you. I could never ask for better friends. No matter where I am I am here for you. You have my word.

Have you seen him?

2007-05-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Reflections

2007-03-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

I remember; at Duke's funeral; sitting where we could face the rest of the people. I remember it being the saddest day of my life but also the biggest day. As I sat there looking around at the hundreds of people that this 20 year old affected in some positive way and brought together again, some after many of years apart. A overwhelming sense of being proud came over me. It was that day: I believe that the cabinet blocking the door to God was pushed aside. I say this because at that time in my life I didn't want anything to do with Him. I have heard people say that the door to God is always open but that was not true in my case. I had that door shut tight and barricaded Even after Duke's passing the door was still shut. To tell you the truth, the only reason I went to church or bible study the first time was because they said they were going to be about Duke. Anyway back to my main point. When I was sitting there soaking up how many people Duke befriended I made a life changing decision. I wanted to be as giving and as loving as Duke had been. He was always there for any of us , no matter how he felt or what his day was like. Not that I totally understand the concept but I think he was the most Christ like person I knew at the time. I wanted to be like that. I can't explain why in the way I want but I almost felt like that was the way I was always suppose to be. Anyway, I try to be the kind of person that is there no matter when someone needs me. 24/7. Whether it be an ear to listen to them, a person to argue with, a shoulder to cry on or even a person to yell at. I try to always point out the good things about people, even when they can't see a single thing that is.I have people tell me all the time that I do to much or it is not necessary. I am writing this to tell you that it is what makes me happy. I would do just about anything for anyone.....I know and don't know. You might be wondering when I have time for myself or what I do if I ever needed someone to talk to. So here is my best answer. I have friends that are there for me. Fantastic people, people young and old......well older, that are there for me and make a difference in my life everyday. I don't think they realize how vital they are in my day to day life. They mean the world to me. As for time for myself......I find moments and there a lot of those moments that I spend with God. I find healing in helping others. I try not to live my life for myself but for others. I rest easy knowing that God is pleased with me and loves me unconditionally. I am secure in who I am cuz this is the way God made me. If he wanted me different he would have made me that way. Now people have called me a people pleaser but I don't think that is true. I define a people pleaser as someone who does things for the recognition or that do it for some sort of self assurance or self worth. I hate being pointed out for something I have done. I hate being praised. Instead of thanking me, thank God for giving me the opportunity or the ability to do whatever I did. I do it out of a love for God and a love for every child of God. We are all part of a bigger picture, we are all the same "family" so why treat anyone with less love and respect than you have for your blood family? I know there are some families that do not get along, mine is one of them, but it doesn't make me love them. Deep down inside we all love those we dislike. I look at it this way, God loves us unconditionally, right? Why can't we try and be there for each other? I am so grateful for what God has done and given me that the only way I can think of showing my appreciation is by trying to give everyone the love that He has given me. This may sound like a load of garbage to you and you may think I am a lot of things that are not good. I just want you to knot that I respect you opinion, I am not going to change who I am for anyone and it doesn't make me love you any less .

Facing your Giants - by Max Lucado.

2006-11-28T10:29:00.000-08:00

That's where David hears Goliath defying God, and that's when David makes his decision. Then he takes his staff in his hand , and he chooses for himself five smooth stones from the brook and puts them in a shepherd's bag, in a pouch that he has, and his sling in his hand. And he draws near to the Philistine.
Goliath scoffs at the kid, nicknames him twiggy, " I am a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" (17:43) Skinny, scrawny David. Bulky, brutish Goliath. The toothpick versus the tornado. What odds do you give David against his giant?
Better odds , perhaps, then you give yourself against yours.
Your Goliath doesn't carry sword or shield; he brandishes blades of unemployment, abandonment, sexual abuse, or depression. Your giant doesn't parade up and down the hills of Elah; he prances through your office, your bedroom, your classroom. He brings bills you can't pay, grade you can't make,people you can't please,whiskey you can't resist, pornography you can't refuse, a career you can't escape, a past you can't shake, and a future you can't face.
You know well the roar of Goliath.
David faced one who forhorned his challenges morning and night. "For forty days, twice a day, morning and evening, the Philistine giant strutted in front of the Israelite army" (17:16NLT). Yours does the same. First thought of the morning, last worry of the night-your Goliath dominates your day and infiltrates your joy.
How long has he stalked you?.......
Goliath: the long standing bully of the valley. Tougher than a two-dollar steak. More snarls than twin Dobermans. He awaits you in the morning , torments you at night. He stalks you ancestors and now looms over you. He blocks the sun and leaves you standing in the shadow of a doubt. " When Saul and his troops heard the Philistine's challenge, they were terrified and lost all hope"(17:11 MSG)
But what am I telling you? You know Goliath. You recognize his walk and wince at his talk. You've seen you Godzilla. The question is, is he all you see? You know his voice-but is that all you hear?
David discusses no one else but God.
A subplot appears in the story. More than " David versus Goliath," this is a "God-focus versus giant-focus."

******************************

You might say that David knew how to get a head of his giant.
When was the last time you did the same? How long since you ran toward your challenge? We tend to retreat, duck behind a desk of work or crawl into a nightclub of distraction or a bed of forbidden love. For a moment, a day, or a year, we feel safe, insulated, anesthetized, but then the work runs out , the liquor wears off, or the lover leaves, and we hear Goliath again. Booming. Bombastic.
Try a different tack. Rush your giant with a God-saturated soul. Giant of divorce, you aren't entering my home! Giant of depression? It may take a lifetime, but you won't conquer me. Giant of alcohol, bigotry, child abuse, insecurity...you're going down. How long since you loaded your sling and took a swing at your giant?
Giants. We must face them. Yet we need not face them alone. Focus first, and most, on God. The times David did, giants fell. The days he didn't, David did.
Lift your eyes, giant-slayer. The God who made a miracle out of David stands ready to make one out of you.

I have a question

2006-11-17T22:37:00.000-08:00

So, it is getting ever so close to CHRISTmas and I am wondering as I do every year. Why do people that do not believe in the reason for CHRISTmas celebrate CHRISTmas? What are they celebrating? Is it the financial debt that everyone falls into just to find that perfect gift or the fact that your family got together?There shouldn't be a holiday just to get together with family, we should always make the effort. CHRISTmas should not be about gifts and eating until we are 10 pounds heavier. I am not condoning anyone because I put the holiday face on too, but I am just concerned that I am going to get to wrapped up in the material aspect of CHRISTmas and forget the real reason for it. CHRISTmas has become a superficial holiday in some ways. A holiday for the companies to raise their prices and come up with new unimportant things for us to spend our money on. Have you been in the stores that sell figurine ornaments? It's all TV and movie based (just about) I don't mean to sound negative but CHRISTmas is Jesus' birthday, without Him Dec 25th just be another day, I think it is about time more people recognized that. Oh and I hate it when people call this day Xmas.

The amazing adventure of Marty P.

2006-10-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

So the adventure starts after a couple of friends and I decide to go to Guilford Mall in Surrey. I have this one friend, Marty, when he hangs out with us something interesting always happens. This day was no different. So, we are driving down the hwy when all of a sudden traffic came to crawl. I forgot it was Friday and we left at like 3pm. I know stupid. Anyway, it turns out that Marty hates sitting in traffic more than I do and just before he was about to explode we come up on these guys peeing . Yup that's right, just peeing off the side of the hwy in the open for all to see. That broke the tension a little, Mel made a comment of where was their car. I had seen a van on the other side and told her that was probably it. As we continued down the road at turtle speed (no offence Mel), the same two guys go running past my car, in the middle of the road. Turns out that the truck they were in kept going in the traffic. If that wasn't funny enough they then held a phone number on a piece of paper out of the passenger window. Marty was trying to convince Mel to call the number and he almost had her until she lost her nerve. You are so funny Mel. Truthfully I think she has a thing for Marty. I also think he has something for her. While we were in surrey a guy much bigger that Marty came up right behind him; so close in fact Marty said he could feel his breath on the back of his neck; this guy then propositioned Marty, in front of all of us. Marty just looked at him and said sorry I don't swing that way and we walked away. The guy looked him up and down and shouted "that's to bad"..........creepy. On the way home there was a road block and Marty got soooooooo nervous...... maybe there is something he is not telling me. Anywho, they let us through with no problem. That was all the excitement for the day. So, between the guys peeing, the same guys running up the hwy, yet again the same guys giving out a number to strangers ( I hope for anyone else it was their own), the big guy coming on to Marty and the cops......it was a typical day out with Marty. I love you buddy. LOL

I am still here

2006-08-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

WOW! It has been so long that I could not remember my password...okay that was pretty bad. I am not sure what to say except I am here and alive. Well I guess I could update you on my uneventful life. I recently came back from holidays and witnessed to people I hold so very dear get married. As I watched them speak of the love they have I realized how happy and proud I was of them. I was happy because they were happy but I was proud because they stood up for what they believed in, no matter who tried to knock it. That to me was very cool. As the moving day gets closer(yes I am going) I am more aware of what I am leaving. I try not to think about it because it breaks my heart to not be so close to my friends and family but I know in my heart of hearts it is something I must do. My friends are my rock and God is my foundation, I know I will have all of this when I leave, I know they will not stop being my friends because of where I live but I cannot help but feel like it will not be as good as it is now. I turned 27 on Monday the 7th and as I was sitting there at the dinner table with some of my friends I realized this was the last birthday I would have here. Then a better thought came into my head. You know the kind of people that hate celebrating their birthday? Well, I am not longer one of them, I see it this way. A birthday is a day to celebrate the life God has chosen for you and I feel honored when someone takes the time out of their day to spend it with me or to call me, no offence to those who did not do these things, I still love you. It means I am blessed that I have people that want to help celebrate my life. I thank God for giving me such wonderful friends. Now with that being said I am still not having a going away party :)

Update

2006-06-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

So this week I am now available by cell phone again. Oh, and did I mention I am moving to Calgary next year. Heehee.

2006-05-23T00:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been back for almost a week now. I kinda miss it. I needed a vacation tho. This month is always a difficult one and I always seem to come back to where I started around this time of year. If that makes any sense. Let me try and clear that up. After a good friend of mine passed away I had soooooo much anger inside towards him and God and every year it comes back on the same day. May 20th. I have worked so hard at getting past that and letting go but it frustrates me when I find myself with all those feelings again. I don't know why I relive this day every year and I really wish I didn't. I would give anything to be past this, why can't I get past this? Can I just not look at my watch and think about what happened on that bad day 8 years ago at that exact time. Is there a reason I keep bringing this up? For example as I write this I am thinking........tomorrow will be the anniversary of the funeral. See twisted. The sad thing is, I would give almost anything to not think about him for one day, just one day is all I want. That is the thing that buggs me the most. I don't know where I am really going with this but I just needed to write it. I just wish I could see the good that came out of this but I find it never outweighs the bad. That sucks.

erika and me in the dino park

2006-05-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

erika and me in the dino park,
originally uploaded by CreatedinChrist.

This was a great day.

here in Calgary

2006-05-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

So I got into Calgary at about 10pm their time. The plane ride was uneventful and boring. The net day my cousin and I set off for the zoo. this zoo is a lot bigger than the on in Van.......and nicer. We saw everything from bats to red pandas ( I got to see my tigers). it took a good four hours just to see everything and then attacted to the zoo is a dino park which wasn't bad. I have lots of pics I will post when I am home. Altho I am going to try to put them on flickr. Any yesterday was a nice tour of calgary and tomorrow we go to the west edmonton mall. YEA.We are going to go to the water park and do some shopping then we will go to this bar called aussie rules and meet up with Dustin ( another cousin). They say this bar has a deulling piano thing so we will see what it is like. anyway that is all I can think of now. Except miss you all and see you soon. kisses.

One more for the good guys

2006-04-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Congradulations Ken Johnson for kicking cancer's butt.

"The Change"

2006-03-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart
Still believes
The love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

By Garth Brooks

I'm here.

2006-03-20T21:39:00.000-08:00

For all of you who have been trying to call me and have been wondering where I have been ( I know there is not many of you) I am still alive. I turned my phone off and chose not to go out. I just wanted to be invisible for awhile. Anyone else get that way? I am getting better and might come out of hiding soon. J/K. I am not in hiding. Anyway this is just a note to let any of you that were wondering, I am still around and I am fine......I mean alright.

He is

2006-03-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

When you feel like no one understands,
He is the only one that always will.
When you feel dirty and damaged,
He is the rain that washes you clean and makes you new again.
When you feel there is no solution to your puzzle,
He is your missing piece.
When you feel like giving up and giving in,
He is your continuous friend.
When you feel unbalanced and insecure,
He is your foundation.
When you feel alone and forgotten,
He is your unwavering friend.
When you feel like there is no end to the storm,
He is the arms that hold you and the shelter that protects you.
When you feel lost in the darkness that seems to have no end,
He is the light that guides you.
And when you feel like you have nothing,
He is your everything.

2006-02-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

I try.

2006-01-18T22:35:00.000-08:00

Laugh often

Everyone welcome

2006-01-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

So who is in for creation fest? The tickets will be bought by april, so if you are intrested in going let me know. Trying to get a group of 20 so it will be cheaper for all.

Another cool song

2006-01-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Forever And Ever Etc

Love so incredible to know
It's never gonna go
Never gonna go

Love too impossible and true
For anyone but You
For anyone but You

I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I am Yours

Love so indelible to know
You're never gonna go
You're never gonna go

Love too unthinkable and true
For anyone but You
For anyone but You

Maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be

I am Yours forever...

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I am Yours

Forever and ever and ever and ever
And ever and ever and ever and ever... (repeat)

By David Crowder

I love this song

2006-01-05T23:49:00.000-08:00

Ocean Floor

The Mistakes I've made
That cause pain
I could have done without
All my selfish thought
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about

Chorus

They're all behind you
They'll never find you
There on the ocean floor
You sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

My misdeeds
All my greed
All the things that haunt me now
They're not a pretty sight to see
But they're wiped away
By a mighty, mighty wave
A mighty, mighty wave

Your sins are erased
And they are no more
They're out on the ocean floor

Take them away
To return no more
Take them away
To the ocean floor
To the ocean floor
To the ocean floor

Your sins are erased
There are no more
They're out on the ocean floor

Audio Adrenaline

2006 already?

2006-01-02T00:59:00.000-08:00

So another year has come and gone. It was a rough year for some but we struggled through it. I am thankful that in 2005 I got to know God on a level that I never knew I would get to. He has really been there for me and others this past year and for that I am overjoyed. I got to know some really cool people and have bonded all the more with others I have already known. New Years I spent with people that made it special. Being there with those people made me feel not like I was with friends but with family and that made it one of my favorite new years. I thank God for bringing us together and I also thank Him for the friends I could not be with. I hope this year will be a great one for all of you.

2005-12-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

10 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS. YEA!

This is good....right

2005-12-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Christmas

2005-12-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

We get our Christmas tree tomorrow, I am so excited. I love Christmas.

Pictures

2005-12-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

Okay I know it is late but there are new photos on my photoblag from painting and such

2005-12-06T00:47:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy lately I have been lost to the blogging world. So here I am. Nothing new is happening except I love my job. The people are great and the place is a lot of fun. I am just glad to be there now. It is really great that they will do whatever they can to get the days off for me I need. I am just thankful to God for everything and everyone in my life right now. I love all my friends, more than they probably know. I am just in a good mood tonight. Teehee.

One of the Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals

2005-11-18T15:51:00.000-08:00

November 16, 2005

When You Get Hurt
by John Fischer

What happens when you get hurt? If you're on a kindergarten soccer team, play stops and everyone sits down wherever they happen to be on the field at the time. Then the coach runs over to see how you are while Mom and Dad stand helplessly on the sidelines. It's a good thing, too, because the last thing you want is your mom running out on the field when you've skinned your knee.

In one case this year, our most fragile player got hit in the head. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later. He's a little wisp of a guy whose valiant attempts to get at the ball are often overcome by bigger and stronger kids, even on his own team. (That's something else about kindergarten soccer, by the way. Everyone goes after the ball. The idea of teamwork hasn't quite sunk in yet. It's not uncommon to see two or three members of the same team fighting for the ball. That's why one of the things most often shouted by the coaches is "Same team! Same team!" In fact, I think it was a "same team" collision that precipitated this particular injury.) So thirteen players sat down while our coach rushed to comfort the crying child.

After examining his head, the coach winked at the parents on the sidelines and held up two fingers. "How many fingers?" he asked, with an overly serious look on his face.

"Two," said the little boy, rather proudly. He must have seen this somewhere before because he was rising to the occasion.

"How many now?"

"Three!"

"'Atta boy!" He was okay now - on his feet and a player again. With a high five the coach called out, "You're good to go!" and that was that. Everybody up! On with the game!

Wouldn't you love for this to happen when you get hurt? The world stops for you. Care is given. Encouraging words are spoken and you are high-fived back into the game. Well why not? Isn't that what we're all here to provide for one another? "If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad" (1 Corinthians 12:26).

Remember, we're all on the same team; we just have different gifts in keeping with our various roles. If you find yourself in a tussle with another believer over who's got the ball, someone needs to yell "Same team!" And if someone gets hurt, everyone sit down while we see how they are.

...........okay

2005-11-15T22:37:00.000-08:00

Erotic Thriller

You've made your own rules in life - and sometimes that catches up with you.
Winding a web of deceit comes naturally, and no one really knows the true you.

Your best movie matches: Swimming Pool, Unfaithful, The Crush

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

2005-11-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

I like my new job. I am working muscles I havn't before so I am a little sore. But man, I am going to be one buff babe......lol. I find I like the time by myself, altho I am a little slow at working stuff but I have matched people that have been there for months now...yeah me. I am not getting my full time yet and they are working me on Sundays........NO!!!!!! Time flys too. anyway just thought I would write a short thing on how I am doing. Bowling at galaxy on friday if anyone is intrested. I will post the time later.

Tunnel

2005-11-07T22:46:00.000-08:00

Well I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
And I can't begin to know what you're going through
And I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on

You got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Well it brings new life for your eyes to see
So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on

So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinging bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel ooh
For you, for you yeah
Shinging bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on
Keep holding on now

You got your disappointments and sorrows
Im gonna try and give a little hope to you

By Third Day

2005-11-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

I have had a lot on my mind this week. I have hurt a friend in a way I never wanted to and know there is nothing that can be done to fix it. It's days like this where I just wish I could take a mulligan. You know a do over. I never imagined I would hurt so bad for telling someone how I felt, honestly. I have those days with God too. Days where I know I have done something that does not Glorify Him and coming to confess them hurts me so much because I am ashamed and disappointed in myself. I feel like I have let God down and hurt Him in a way I would have never wanted to. That to me feels like I have betrayed Him. That is the worst feeling for me. I know He loves me not matter what I say or do, but the knowledge of my actions speaks louder sometimes. These last couple of days have been like that, I feel like I have let people down and nothing I can do or could do will make it better. I would like to take that mulligan now please. I am getting better at trusting God in all my achievements and my struggles, knowing that He is the one I can always run to and talk to. God is the one solid thing in my life and nothing I say or do will change this relationship. I wish all relationships were like that.

2005-11-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

When I was at creation fest I made a choice. That choice was to follow God, no matter where He would lead me and that also meant to trust in Him. I have had to rely on that a lot lately, somethings have come up in my life recently that I didn't know how to handle and instead of trying to sort them out by myself I turned to God. I fell at His feet and cryed for Him to help me do the right thing or say what needed to be said. For the last couple of weeks God has been really showing me that He is here for me and nothing I do is going to be to much for Him. That idea has crossed my mind and maybe yours too, when am I going to do something that God just can't fix or help in. Now the cool part is....never. God is always going to be there for us, He is going to pick us up when we fall and hold us when we need a friend. Now, you may not think He is answering your prayer, I know I have felt this way. For me I know it is only because I was looking for an answer he was not giving. His answers might not be the ones you want but in the end they are the right ones because He knows what we need better than we do. I have learned in the past couple of weeks that no matter what I do, God is always there. He has answered pray but I was too busy listening for the answer I wanted that I didn't hear what He had to say. I look back over the weeks and just shake my head because I see now what he has done for me in these situations and the solutions are so much bigger than the problems. I am so thankful to God because He loves me sooooo much and will never leave me. He is my everything.

Thankful

2005-11-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
You Know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plauging me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

No, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, no not one

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

It's by grace I have been saved
Trhough faith that's not my own
It is the gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

2005-10-31T18:27:00.000-08:00

One thing I have learned over the years

2005-10-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
-authour unknown

When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they were not it.
Bernard Baily

2005-10-16T00:58:00.000-07:00

thanks to all my friends for being there for me

nice reminder

2005-10-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.

That is my 5th line from my 23rd post
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

I tag, James, Mel, Shannon,Liz and........Rose

Very Cool

2005-09-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have been reading his blogs and they are awesome. Check them out. Just click on Soigo

Imagine

2005-09-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

Love Song
Lyrics & Music by Mac Powell

From the recording: Third Day, Track #4.

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How may times has he broken that promise
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.

(Bridge) I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I gave you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away

I was reading....yes I do that

2005-09-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was reading in the paper the other day, that most of these people in the wake of the hurricane will not be covered by insurance because it is an act of God. I am wandering how many of these insurance companies actually believe in God when they don't have to pay money. Or am I just being naive here? To me this sounds like they are bending God to their conveniences. I know it is their policy, but it is a really dumb one. It kinda makes me mad when people walk around everywhere denying Him until they have to do something they don't want to do. Then they put the blame on Him. I got news for you people... He is real all the time, not just when you want Him to be. Trust me, I tried living like this, it doesn't work! I would live my life, not much different that I did before becoming a Christian. It isn't until just recently that I really stopped playing the games and fully gave my life to God. I don't live like I use to at all and you know what? I would just think, every time I would do something I knew was not the was God would want me to do it, I was denying Him. That would stop me in my tracks. Now I feel great. Until I heard about this. I can't understand how people can say He is real in one minute and then deny Him the next. The way I see it, people like that should be covered for stuff they cannot control. In situations like this hurricane some people lost everything and instead of turning your backs on them you should be helping them. My work has even gotten involved and for that I am very proud of Save on Foods. I pray for those people in New Orleans. I just hope that those people that are trying to twist God to suit their own needs will see the error of their ways. I am prying for you too.

Blessed

2005-09-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

God is awesome. I just feel so good to have Him in my life.

2005-09-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Finally free

2005-09-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

FREE

I'm feeling fine
'cos there's nothing that I want to change
I'm right on time
for the atmosphere to rearrange
'Cos I've got wings so watch me fly

And I'm free to be the man you want me to be
I'm alive when I'm alive in you
And I'm free to be the one you said I could be
I'm alive 'cos you're alive, I'm alive when I'm alive in you

Lord, you've let me see
I need strength to let you carry me
And love was right on time
When faith and hope were on the line
And I've got wings so watch me fly

And I'm free to be the one you want me to be
I'm alive when I'm alive in you
And I'm free to be the one you dreamt I could be
I'm alive 'cos you're alive, I'm alive 'cos you're alive
I'm alive 'cos you're alive in me

You're all I ever want
You're all I ever need
It's all I ever want
To be free

Here I am

2005-09-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

Artist: Delirious
Song: Majesty (here i am)
Album: World Service

Here I am, humbled by Your majesty,
Covered by Your grace so free.
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man,
Covered by the blood of the Lamb.

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.
Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty-handed but alive in Your hands.

Here I am, humbled by the love that You give,
Forgiven so that I can forgive.
So here I stand, knowing that I am Your desire,
Sanctified by glory and fire.

And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.
Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty-handed but alive in your hands.

Singing Majesty, Majesty.
Forever I am changed by Your love,
In the presence of Your Majesty.
Majesty.

We're singing Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
And I'm nothing but alive in Your hands.

We're singing Majesty, Majesty.
Forever I am changed by Your love,
In the beauty of Your Majesty.
Majesty.

Remember me?

2005-09-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know it has been awhile, but I have had....alot of stuff going on. Besides Creationfest which was awesome, I went to see my family for two weeks. It was nothing special. I just got back from Logan Lake on Monday and am now facing a hard task. You know when you have wanted something for so long and then when you achieve it you find out it is not as good as you thought it would be? I am talking about the guy I am seeing. I have wanted to be more than friends for sooooo long but now that we are.....I wish it was back the way is was. I have made up my mind, I can no longer be with him because he wants something out of me I cannot give him. See,.......after I got back form Creationfest I realized how important God was to me and that I should not let anything get in the way of that. The relationship I had with this guy was doing just that. I called him up and told him how I felt and by that I mean, I told him I was not going to be in a physical relationship with him. I told him that God came first and I wasn't going to put Him aside for a relationship. He said he understood and supported my decision. LIAR. When I got there I again reminded him of my decision and he said, "I will do as you ask but I hope you know it is going to be hard for someone like me."......What does that mean? I then replied if you cared for me you would wait. Yeah well he couldn't do it. I understand it would be hard for him, but he didn't even try. How special am I to him? So that is it I am done. I can't be with someone who can't respect what I believe is right. I love God and He comes above all else.

Only one person can help me with this mess in my head

2005-09-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

"On My Own"
By barlow girl.

I can't believe that I"m here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
This pattern seems to be the story of my life
Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

'Cause I promise myself I wouldn't fall
But here I've fallen
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

Oh God You have to save me
You're my last and only hope
All my right answers fail me
I can't seem to make it on my own

I always thought that I would be strong enough
What made all of them fall couldn't take me down
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all
I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can't promise that I won't fall
'Cause here I've fallen
I know I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

A........get together

2005-08-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

So I am inviting people to hayward lake on Saturday. I would like to have as many people come out and celebrate........my birthday that doesn't fall on a sunday. There I said it. So if you could make it, go to the railway trail side. If you do not know where that is......call me. Hope to see you there say around...noonish.

Creation Fest

2005-08-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Well, we are back. Actually we have been back for a couple of days but it has taken me this long to sort through some..............thoughts. I am not even sure I am done processing everything yet. It was a amazing trip.I sponsored a little girl from El Salvador and I rededicated my life to God and realized that meant no more games. No more wanting God only when it was convenient for me. No more of what I wanted but to live for what God wants. The sad thing is I had to say goodbye to Clayton. I realized that he was what I wanted and not what God wanted for me. I still care about him a lot but I was putting him before God and I had to stop. Telling him was not fun, he says he understands but the conversation quickly got short. I can say I saw that coming but it had to be done.
Anyway on a light note, there was three of us wearing Canada hats on the first day and a staff guy named Fred....or was it Frank lol. Anyway he asked us where we got our Canada hats. Without even thinking all three of us replied.....Canada.
It was pretty funny. The music was great and the company was awesome. Starting to plan next years trip.

Logan Lake

2005-07-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

So I ventured out to Logan Lake last Thursday expecting the worst. See, before I left, the things I heard about Logan Lake were discouraging. But, when I got there and started to get to know everyone it turned out to be an awesome place.
On Friday morning the town had their little parade that was quite cute, with all the fire trucks spraying the people watching with water and the little quad decorated in Canadian spirit. After that, they were serving free cake (yum) and I got my first ride in a fire truck (to get my car).So we had some time to kill before the guys had to be back to set up the fireworks, so my friend decided to take me out to the mine. Holy moly, that mine is huge. It is a copper mine.....lol, I think that is what he said. (Forgive me guys if I got that wrong). We still had some time to kill so Clayton's friend suggested taking a drive, which is where I got to see the bears....very cool. We then headed back to town. Then there was live music in the park for the afternoon and free hot dogs closer to the time of the fireworks. Then it came time for the fire works....Oh my gosh, the display that the Logan lake fire department put on was amazing. It was very well done; I was not only impressed but proud of them. After that we went out for drinks at the local pub (I can't remember the name) and just hung out, everyone was sooooo nice and it was sooo much fun. As for the community, well the town is cute and the streets all lead back to the main road so I didn't have to worry about getting lost. The lane that divides the shops was so clean and well, let's just say I was really liking that town (and yes Clay you were right). I miss it. For someone who thought that Logan Lake was going to be a disappointment, I was proved wrong. So next time someone tells you they are going to a small town, don't diss it until you have been there. If you want go to a small town where the people are awesome and it is nice and relaxed. Go to Logan Lake. If anyone from Logan Lake reads this, thanks for showing me a great time and making me feel welcome. I hope to be back soon. If you would like more info on Logan Lake, just click on the tile of this blog. Or for pictures, click on my photos on your right.
Oh and for all of you who told me it was going to suck......YOU SUCK!

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah,
Look out George Wa, here we come. I got the tickets in the mail today, I am soooo excited. teehee. Only how many days to go? YEAH, BABY.
On a side note, I will see you all next weekend, I will be gone this weekend. See you all soon.
Love you all.

2005-06-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

It is amazing what you will find when you have to use the bathroom

2005-06-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

Kinda blurry, but you get the picture. James rocks

2005-06-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

ARGH..... time is going sooooooooooooo slow. Is it July yet?

Okay, I am ready

2005-05-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

10 things I love.

I would put God on the list but He is in all of these when you think about it.

1. Those friends ;here and gone; that helped lead me to a saved life 7 years ago. I am forever grateful.
2. My church family who have kept me sane all these years.
3. My cat. Always making me laugh except when he eats my beef jerky!
4. The smell of strawberries. Reminds me of summer.
5. Summertime. Hot summer, beaches, swimming, camping.......love it.
6. Walks in nature. Always reminds me that God is all around.
7. The color red. I don't know why.
8. My hair being played with. Almost puts me to sleep
9. Being single.
10. A good laugh. You know, the kind that leave tears in your eyes and your cheeks hurt.

Drive

2005-05-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

So I was coming home from Abby today and I got this craving for beef jerky. Now the only place I go for beef jerky is in Deroche. The best. I didn't want to go home so I went. As I was leaving the store I knew home was not where I wanted to be. I have had this feeling for days now. Every time I am out I never want to come home. I don't remember turning to go to Harrison, I just remember I was driving there. I am glad I went for that drive. I needed that time with God. I have been having some issues that I need to work on and I can't do it alone but I feel I can't tell anyone either because I don't want to get people involved. I know I can tell people but then when I do, I leave feeling that I shouldn't have. There are days were I don't even think about these things and then there are days were I feel like I am drowning. I get so frustratedbecause I have no idea what I am suppose to do. I can't sit still and I have this cabin fever. Everytime I am out some where I have no desire to go home, but I don't know where I am suppose to go. Even when I came home after the drive today, I cleaned my car and didn't even go inside really. I went for a walk right after I was done. I don't know why I feel this way, I do know I kinda feel lost right now.

2005-05-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

A church family will help keep you from backsliding.

None of us are immune to temptation. Given the right situation, you and I are capable of any sin. God knows this, so he assigned us as individuals the responsibility of keeping each other on track. The bible says," Encourage one another daily...so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness," (Hebrews 3:13.NIV). "Mind your own business" is not a Christian phrase. We are called and commanded to be involved in each other's lives. If you know someone who is wavering spiritually right now, it is your responsibility to go after them and bring them back into the fellowship. James tells us, "If you know of people who have wondered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back"(James 5:19.Msg)
A related benefit of a local church is that it also provides the spiritual protection of godly leaders. God gives sheperd leaders the responsibility to guard, protect, defend, and care for the spiritual welfare of his flock. We are told, "Their work is to watch over your souls, and they know they are accountable to God."(Hebrews 13:17.NLT)
Satan loves detached believers, unplugged from the life of the Body, isolated from God's family, and unaccountable to spiritual leaders, because he knows they are defenseless and powerless against his tactics.

The Purpose Driven Life
By Rick Warren

Presence

2005-05-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

Presence
By Peter Furler, Steve Taylor, Tim Hughes

Newsboys song clips. Click on discography

I lift up my voice
To The King, The King of glory
I hold out my hands
To The One who is worthy
I long for Your presence
I long, Lord, I need Your touch

Come, oh Lord, and fill up my life
With the light of Your presence
This is my heart's desire
Oh Father, come and let Your spirit abide
I long for Your presence
This is my heart's desire

I long to be washed
In the well of Your mercy
I long to be warmed
by the fire of Your glory
I long for Your presence
I long for Your healing touch

Come, oh Lord, and fill up my life
With the light of Your presence
This is my heart's desire
Oh Father, come and let Your spirit abide
I long for Your presence
This is my heart's desire

It's my desire

(I wanna feel Your presence)
Lord, it's my desire
(I wanna feel Your presence)
Lord, You're my desire
(I wanna feel Your presence)
I wanna feel Your presence
I wanna feel Your presence
I wanna feel Your presence, Jesus

Come, oh Lord, and fill up my life
With the light of Your presence
This is my heart's desire (this is my heart's desire, oh...)
Come and let Your spirit abide
I long for Your presence (presence...)
This is my heart's desire (this is my heart's desire, oh...)

It's my desire

Lord, You're my desire
Lord, You're my desire

Sung By Newsboys

Purpose Driven Life

2005-05-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

I figured it out. For those of you who have read my blogs before and are intrested in reading more on the purpose driven life then click on the title of this blog and it will take you to the web site.

Day 14

2005-05-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

So I am reading the book called Purpose Driven Life and was writing the journal entry for day 14 and thought I would share it:

Question to consider:How do I intend to stay focused on God even when He feels distant?

I went almost 4 years without really feeling that God was with me. During that time I yearned for a closeness to Him. I would pray and feel nothing and I would go to church and would not really come away with anything I didn't feel going in. I felt so far away from God and nothing I did was bring me closer.
I know look back on that time and think that God distanced Himself from me to show me or help me see what exactly I had and was now missing because I had put other things in front of him. I realized I was putting a physical relationship ahead of my relationship with God. I was placing my wants before what God wanted for me. Through the last year of this distant relationship I tried to remind myself of just how much I owed God for what He had done for me and was still doing for me. During my relationship with this guy I would only pray/turn to God when things were not going the way I thought or wanted them to go. Slowly I began to figure out that I was living for the wrong person and I needed to get back on the right path.
I began to just talk with God again and let him into my life again. I basically came to Him on my knees and asked Him to help me find my way back home. I began to feel Him little by little, day by day after that. God placed some amazing people in my life; and I have told them this; after I poured out my heart to Him. After that every sermon at church felt like God was speaking to me, it was what I needed to hear at that time. Some was hard to hear but I sat through it. I made a promise to trust in God and tell him everything that was on my heart. Even tho God knows all, I think it is good to tell Him yourself. It helps build a strong and intimate relationship when you feel you can tell someone every little thing about your life and I can with God. I am now on the path to a more intimate relationship with God then I ever had and I am finally content in everything I do because it is not about me anymore. Now if I feel distant from God, I remind myself that everything is a part of God and if I think I am alone I just look around me at everything He created and know that He surrounds me and would never leave me.

Now I hear it

2005-04-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I bought Mercyme's CD called, Spoken For. I have had this CD for about a month and love it. The funny thing is I heard a song on that CD tonight that I never "heard" before. I have listened to the whole CD a million times but never listened to the words of this one song until I was driving in my car and the words were all I could hear.
I feel this song reminds me of how much I am worth. There are some people going through some really tough times right now and I hope it does the same for those who need to hear it.

All The Above.

Stuck in the day
Like a runner with no race
Are you afraid
Your joy has been misplaced
It's been a while
Since I've seen you smile
How easy you forget
So roll back the time
And there you will find
What never left

The day heaven found you
The day the angels sang
Praises to the Father
Who called you by name
The moment you surrendered
The moment you were saved
Life as you knew it
Forever was changed
And all the above rejoiced

Remember the day
When God forgot your sin
Remeber the way
That joy came tumbling in
There will be times
When you cannot find
A reason to stand and sing
But let this remind
You time after time
You're a child of the King
See them dancing
See them singing
All of heaven is rejoicing over YOU!

Mind if I rant?

2005-04-19T00:40:00.000-07:00

Are you wondering what my life has been like since my last post? I have been in email contact with this person I was struggling to forgive. I wrote him a huge email on everything I was feeling and he blew me off. That's right. He told me that I had him mistaken for someone else and that he would never do those things to me. At first I couldn't care less, but now it kinda makes me mad. I felt better after the email was sent and I feel I reached a point of forgiveness. I wonder how anyone can do what he did to me and not remember. It doesn't hurt as much anymore and I do feel I am better for talking to this person but still........ I feel I am not done there but don't know where to go now. I told him that what I went through has given me some strong characteristics and they are the ones I hate about myself. I am trying beat this things but am struggling. I have a big trust issue, I am sure I have said it before. I am the type of person who use to trust a lot of people and then something happened that just made me snap. Now if I have a problem I fully trust God and.............hmmmmm, yup that's it. I know I can come to people to talk and I have a couple....okay 2 people I feel even a little comfortable coming to and I do. With them tho I always feel guarded and I shouldn't. That is what I hate. I know these people (you know who you are) won't judge me, yell at me or tell everyone else behind my back but I am still afraid. Then I feel like I am not respecting their friendship enough and I feel horrible for feeling this way about them. When it comes right down to it I love these people a whole lot and would love it for just one day to be able to come to them(if I needed to) and not have any fear. Like for example, I wanted to tell one of these people all this on Sunday but when that person asked if I still needed to talk I said no. I guess it comes back down to letting that wall down and showing people who I really am. I don't care if someone I just met doesn't like me but to have someone I have known for 8 years think less of me would kill me. On the surface I am a happy, bubbly kinda person but on the deeper side I am a very scared and protected person. So I keep letting the surface person shine. I like her much better anyway. (sigh) I want to tell these people what is going on in my head but everytime I go to I chicken out. I always tell people they can come to me, but how fair is that if I cannot return that trust.

On top of that my car was hit on Saturday (sniff). I am fine but my car has a dent in the side panel and he took off. So I got his plate number and reported him. I now have a meeting with icbc on Friday. (yeah)
Any that are my thoughts for this week. Thanks for reading my blog.
Love you all.

Cool

2005-04-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

" It is who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That is the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself-- Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration." (John 4:23&24. Msg)

God I love you, but could you stop making me do things I don't want to do.

2005-04-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

So my last blog was about forgiving a certain person. This person hurt me many times but I had been hurt worse. It took almost all I had to reach the point where I could start to forgive this person. For those of you who don't know I dated a couple guys by the same first name. So when this name popped up on a comment I went crazy trying to figure out if it was the one I was writing about. It was not. Instead it was this person I thought I was not ready to forgive. Obviously God thinks different. So since this guy commented on my last blog I have been......one breath away from tears. I will not say what went down while we were together because I am not done telling him and I don't want him to read it here. I want it to come straight from me. I am having a very difficult time with this because what he did is basically why I am the way I am and I do not like the way I am! It is taking me a long time to write this because I have to stop and fight the emotion coming out. I will not let him win. So God wants me to forgive him but I don't know if I can and how? I don't want to go there right now. ARGH.
I am at a loss. Going back to this "time" is not somewhere I am prepared to go, I buried it and was quite fine with it where it was. I don't hate him! I hate what he did to me and I just don't know what to do. I think back and all through my journey this is the biggest thing God has asked me to do and I am soooooo afraid and convinced that I won't be able to do it.

Forgiveness.

2005-04-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

Last week I think God was trying to tell me something. On Wednesday night my study was on forgiveness, on Thursday night we talked about....forgiveness and then on Sunday Greg talked about forgiveness. I started to think about who I needed to give forgiveness to and could not think of anyone major. Then at lunch a couple of us got on the subject of my ex from highschool and as we were talking I noticed I was sounding more and more bitter. I have been thinking a lot about that since then. What would happen if I ran into him today? Would I say hi or......( I don't even want to think about the or).
I still not sure what I would do. How do you forgive someone that says they love you and ask you to marry them and then call you an infatuation and say they were never in love with you? It still hurts but I have to forgive him. So today I am making a stand. I am going down the road of forgiveness for this person, I understand it will probably be a long and hard road but I am now willing to go there. I feel to be the person God wants me to be I have to deal with this. So I will.

Mixed Thoughts

2005-04-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am sitting here writing this confusing blog and I delete the whole thing. I am not sure what I am trying to say except. I am letting a situation control me. I have given it up to God but I still have feelings attached to this problem. This problem is making me feel like a failure and selfish. It makes me feel to much for myself and draws my focus from God. I don't know where or what made this thoughts and feelings come to my head but they are there and are not going away. I know I have to deal with this "thing." but how? It is tearing my up inside because I hate feeling this way. I know I am not a failure but if I cannot deal with the first problem that come up, then what good am I in a leadership role? The selfish part speaks for itself. Why has God put this situation in my path at this point in my life? Some say it is because he feels I am strong enough to work through it and some say it is a test. I hate tests. I know I cannot deal with this without God. I cannot figure that one out. Why do I feel this way? I dread the thought that this problem is putting the focus to much on myself, I feel like the spotlight is no longer on God. Maybe I am making a mountain out of mole hill and maybe these feelings are justified. How do I know? I know I am to leave it up to God. I just wish these feelings would go away. I am sure I have not put everything I am feeling or thinking into words but it is the jift of it. I have had one of those ARGH weeks and feel a little better but know I have to confront this problem head on.

Here With Me

2005-03-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

Artist: MercyMe
Album: Undone
Song: Here With Me

I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

Will you show me?
Reveal yourself to me
Because of your mercy
I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go
I am not alone
You call me as your own
To know you and be known

You are holy
And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace
I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender:

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

Is God telling the G.I.R.L.S something?

2005-03-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

Okay I thought I would just share this cool thing with you.

We have this discount book bin at work and I was walking past it yesterday when I just happen to look down and the journal to The Purpose Driven Life was staring back up at me. So I bought it. I always wanted to read that book but never had the extra cash (I still don't but something told me I had to for $8:99.). I figured that I was going to be in Abby after work anyway so I would drop by House of James before returning home. I got to House of James at about .....5:30ish and surprise, the book was on sale too. Yeah I bought it. Fast forward to today.

Misty called me and told me that she had the perfect book to do next in our study. Apparently Chelly and her were at superstore yesterday and saw this book on sale and they both bought it at about 5:30ish. I asked her what book she bought at the exact time I bought mine and she said.........The Purpose Driven Life.
I didn't believe her at first but then I thought how would she know I bought it. I told her I bought it to and we came to the conclusion that I had to tell Chelly. So I call Chelly and say"guess what I did yesterday" and perceeded to tell her the story and she laughed. The real cool part is that book has never come up in any of our discussions so none of us knew we were even intrested in the book.
I think God might want us to do this one next.

Grateful

2005-03-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

I have come to the conclusion over the past........couple of months that I am extremely blessed with loving people in my life. I have always had a BIG trust issue with people.......(maybe that's my wall)
I have always hung on to the thought that the only person I can count on in life is; can anyone guess?; Me. Trust for me became an issue not so much because of situations I was placed in but because I let it. Sure there were people that helped make it an issue. As I grow in God, I notice how many wonderful people he has put in my path and I am beginning to take that wall down one brick at a time. I am not writing this to vent or anything. I am simply writing this because I want all of you to know just how much you mean to me. I am so very grateful I have each and everyone of you. I am thankful God gave me you to help me grow in Him and be the person I am meant to be. Someone told me not to long ago that I have changed. He said I was more fun and free. I think it is because I am talking to people and letting them in and in return God is using these people to help me get rid off the garbage I have been carrying around for so long. I have said this before and it still sounds......I don't know the right words but, I will say it like this. I would not be where I am today if God did not use these people and the situations he puts me in to bring me closer to him, I am now just fully trusting him and that was a big step.
I also have never been so open with people as I am becoming with some. It scares me a little but at the same time it feels like a big weight has been lifted.
So again thank you all for being there when I need you and helping me see who God wants me to be. I love you guys.

Cheese

2005-03-10T22:52:00.000-08:00

Attention New Heights

Cheese Extravaganza:
March 6-12

Come to our deli department(Save in Foods)

to sample over 130 (yes 130) types of cheeses from around the world.

Sample our cheeses from Monday to Wednesday 4-6pm

and Sunday,Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 1-5pm.

Comfortable verses Unfamilar

2005-03-08T01:05:00.000-08:00

What if you had to choose between something comfortable and something umfamilar? Which would you choose?

The comfortable thing is "something" that you know a lot about and have had with you through every experience you have gone through. It is "something" that makes you feel safe and loved. You feel like this "something" is a big part of who you are today but you still wonder what it would be like to not have it. You wonder if your life would be better or worse and you ponder the idea of leaving this "something" but are afraid of the change and the unknown. Now say the comfortable thing changed? Say some how it's just not the same anymore. In fact say this "something" got better or say it got worse. Then what?

The unfamilar holds wonder and mystery. There is the road of getting to know this "something". It could lead to great things and then again, maybe not. Do you take the risk? Say if you choose this path and you knew it would send your comfy thing away. Would you still choose this one? With this "something" you are not sure how you feel about it but the thought of it becoming something that means more to you then the comfy thing ever did adds a little excitment. Say that, as for the comfy thing, your feelings for it had been locked away or forgotten that you are no longer sure what is means to you anymore.

My questions are........do you let go of what you know and embrace what might be, could be? It may be one of the hardest and most hurtful things that you have ever done but it just might end up being the best thing you could have done for you and for others.
Do you take that risk or do you retreat into what is safe and comfy? Do you give up control and give it to God? After all he knows what is best for you and he is your strength. You can have anything and do anything in him. But remember not everthing you want is what he wants for you.

Remember what it says in Philippians 4:13
I (we)can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I love this song

2005-03-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

Where You Lead Me

What is life?
A thousand roads a thousand ways,
And why am I
So afraid to move?
I crossed the line
I'm stepping out so come what may
I'll give it all
Cause I'm drawn to you
As long as my heart is beating

CHORUS:
Where you lead me,
I will follow
Where you lead me,
I will give my life away.
Where you lead me
I will follow
Forever and a day

I can't deny
Your very presence in my life
And why would I
Ever turn away
Cause deep inside
I know that can not rely
On anything
Less than faith
As long as my heart is beating
This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in your love

Mercyme

What a Day

2005-02-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

So Sunday I got up at 7am (rare for me) and I went for a walk at Rolley lake with my friend and his dog. As I was walking around the lake I was taken back by the beautiful day. The sun was shining and it was coming through the trees, the water was clear and it was not a very cold morning. It was sooooo nice. I began to........appreciate all the beauty that God had created again and I have not done that in a long time. Can anyone else relate?
You know, I am so busy working and worrying about being here or being there, getting this done or getting that done that I forget what God has done and created. When I was at the lake I felt closer to God then I have in a long time and you know what? None of that other stuff mattered at that moment. I was just living in the moment and I have not done that in a long time. I didn't worry if I was going to be late for church, I was enjoying the company I was with and the day God had given us.
That walk opened up a door for me. I can't say what door but at church Rose came and talked to me and I just lost my mask. I can honestly tell you to cry by myself is hard enough but to do it in public I almost never do, but for the first time I didn't care anymore. God basically showed me that he was around me all the time and he loved me, I can't really explain it but that is how I felt on the walk. He has also shown his love by putting people in my life who know me and still love me anyway, I have been going through a little bit of a......... not so good time and they have really been there for me (THANKS) and shown me a love I didn't know was there.
I think that was why street church was soooo much fun, because again I just let go and had a great time. I loved how that felt. Sunday God helped me to see life beyond the plans and schedules, He helped me to see it the way he made it. For that I am grateful.

Getting tired of being me.

2005-02-13T21:25:00.000-08:00

On the outside, I am this person that is always looking on the bright side. You can hear me from across the room and I don't give a rip what others think of me. On the inside I am tired of always acting like nothing is bugging me because I don't want to be a bother or to get people down. I am a very gaurded person. My trust in people in not great because I always have this fear that they are talking or laughing behind my back. As for not caring what people think about me, I do care, I just don't show it and it stings a great deal when it is something bad. I have been thinking a lot obout this lately because the girls at work tell me that I know just how to make them laugh when they are having a bad day. Who will make me laugh? How are they going to do that when I let no one in? It is said that God loves you for who you are but how can he if I don't. I am getting tired of pretending I am this happy person all the time when I am really not. When I try so hard to be this person and always mess it up. I can honestly say this is the first time I am saying this to other people besides myself.

I AM WHO I AM

2005-02-10T23:14:00.000-08:00

I thought I would share this with you. It is from the book I am reading called searching for God knows what, by Donald Miller

And yet, to a spiritual community that offers formula in place of faith, a belief that Jesus was the son of God and God as well is more than a description of the Messenger of the gospel, it is entwined in the message itself, and the idea seems as necessary as the words he speaks. There is no question that a part of what we believe as Christians is that Jesus is in fact God. We cling to this as truth, we cling to that which we do not understand, just as love causes a man to cling to a woman, and love causes a father or a mother to connect deeply with his or her child. Indeed, as Jesus looks across the social landscape into the fear-filled eyes of the inhabitants of the lifeboat, He does not offer a formula that will help us win the game, He offers Himself.

I want to tell you without reservation that if there is any hope for you and me, for this planet set kilter in the fifteen-billion light-year expanse of endless mystery, the hope would have to be in this Man who contends He is not of us, but with us, and simply IS.

I AM WHO I AM.

John 8:7

2005-02-09T01:12:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here with the screen blank and the cursor waiting for me to direct it's path and no words come to mind. I have been thinking a lot about what I have heard
this weekend and one piece of scripture comes to mind:

"If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Friendship

2005-02-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

And a youth said Speak to us of Friendship.
And he answered, saying:
Your friend is you needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap
with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek
him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the
"nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to
his heart;
For without words in friendship, all thoughts, all
desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy
that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in
his absence,as the mountain to the climber is clearer from
the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the
deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own
mystery is love not but a net cast forth: and only the
unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know your ebb of your tide, let him know its
flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with
hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be
laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its
morning and is refreshed.

The Prophet collection
By Kahlil Gibran

Enough Slacking

2005-02-01T01:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I had a good talk with Rod about my last blog and feel better in knowing I am not the only one that feels this way. I went to bed thinking of what I was going to do. I needed something to get me back on track with God. Then a thought came to me. I have dedicated my life to God, but have I really..........commited anything? I have stood up and given myself to God, in body, but have I really given myself over fully? No. I came to the conclusion over the last couple of days that after I met my last boyfriend everything I believed in and stood for I put on the back burner. I put his and my needs first and ignored what God wanted for my life. I was too busy trying to make my boyfriend happy and work to get what I wanted that I almost completely shut God out. I would only turn to God when there was something I wanted that I could not do on my own. I was now turning to God only when it was convenient for me. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted to believe in God but still have my idea of "fun" as well. I think now that the reason I feel so far from God is because I pushed him away and he is telling me that he will be waiting until I am ready to come back to him. I am now coming back around and realizing I have not but my faith into actions. I think faith without action is not really faith at all. I can say I am a Christian all I want but to be faithful in actions is something I find hard to do. Jesus never just sat around saying "yup I am the son of God.". He went out and talked to people and helped people. He brought people to God. He didn't wait for them to come to him. So as a Christian I feel I need to start living like one, not just say I am. So today I am rededicating my life to the Lord and promise to live the life that God wants me too! I feel very.......good about this. Also I would like to thank those of you that have helped me realize what I needed too do. I love you guys.

Finding Faith

2005-01-28T01:33:00.000-08:00

God, give me the faith of a little child!
A faith that will look to Thee -
That never will falter and never fail,
But follow Thee trustingly.
Showerman

I have been thinking a lot about this recently. When I became a Christian my faith never faltered. It was not enough to just go to church on Sunday, I was so hungry for the word and went to bible study every Thursday night. I went to events every Tuesday and Sunday night and I was baptised right after I found God. Now I realize that as the years went on I began to slowly drop things and now I find that my faith is......I don't know. I do know I miss the old me, but how to focus back onto God. I know it will never be like "new" again, but I would like to be more faithful. I know God loves me but I want to show my love for God and I want to give my life to him and I don't believe I am doing that fully yet. I am in this place where I don't know how to get to where I want to be but know that I don't want to be where I am, faith wise. That's why I like this saying because this is what type of faith I pray for.

What fun

2005-01-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have not been on in a while because it is kinda hard to get into my computer room right now. See, on Thursday, my brother's bedroom flooded. This is not the first time either so he has taken refuge in the computer room. I wish the landlady would have done something the first time it happened, maybe she was in denile or maybe just didn't want to spend the money. Either way I believe it is time to move!!!!!!!!!
I feel for my brother because all his stuff is thrown throughout our house and he real does not have any privacy. His bed is out in the carport and the rest off his stuff is in our foyer, man it's crazy. Carpet guys have been in to look at it and they put heaters under the carpet, so not only is my house cramped right now but it is also a sauna.
On top of all this I got one of the worse colds I have had in a long time. Had to take two days off work and miss church :(. I am slowly getting better and my brother's room is slowly getting back to normal. It's just kinda funny that one bad thing just can't happen on it's own, something else always follows.
On a better note. My family and I; including my brother's girlfriend; went out to the 14th pub on Friday and had so much fun. I don't think we have had that much fun as a family in a long time, plus we won a fair bit of money on those pull tabs you get in the machines so everything was paid for. For those of you that know my family, my mother actually let go and had a great time. YEAH!
Well, until next time.

My Future

2005-01-20T01:58:00.000-08:00

At work today I was listening to customers complaining and the staff gossiping my mind wondered....... do I want to be here 2 years down the line still listening to this crap? I have finally decided the answer to that question was a big fat no. So where do I go from here? (sigh) Well, I want to go back to school but I am not sure what I want to take. then there is the whole paying for it thing, that kinda puts a damper on things, plus there is the whole notion of where to go. My cousin wants me to go to school in Calgary. It would be cheaper and I could live with her but I am not crazy about leaving B.C. plus my family, friends and church are here and those are big parts of who I am.

As the customer found something else wrong with his bill I turned back to my thoughts......... what about massage theropy? I have been thinking about it for some time but never really really considered it. Well, it would be expencive and the best schools are in Vancouver. I could get a student loan but with what my bills are now I would have to cut my hours and I don't know if I can afford that. (sigh) I am not sure I could really touch all those people anyway. I don't meant that in a mean way but I am not a very touchy feely girl (except for hugs :) ) Hmmmmmm, I could do some sort of counselling course. I have always loved to help peple with their problems or at least listen to them and try and help. Again, the money thing. That one seems like a possiblity, I will have to do more thought into that idea.

Later on in my sift I was talking to one of the cashiers about my.....frustration and she advised me to look into pharmacy assistant. She said that her son was taking it and that it was only a 10 month course in abbostford. Work would pay for the schooling and place me in one of their pharmacies. The job pays really well and assistants are in need, I could take classes at night and work during the day. This way I have a lot of burdens lifted. I would be set money wise and I had a buch of co-workers tell me they could see me doing that as a career. I could pay my car off sooner and get out of debt. If I didn't like the job I would stay at it for a while and put myself though school for something else (maybe by then I would have it figured out) I could go on missions trips and help out more anywhere needed.
Well, we will leave it up to God to decide. He knows best for me, in the mean time I think I am going to look into this pharamcy thing some more. sometimes I wish that life came with a instruction booklet because that would make this decision soooooo much easier!

P.S/ Hey Rod, I'm working on it